I do believe in certain rules that have to be followed but in a particular circumstance it can be "bent" without "breaking" the overall concept. I remember a story told to me about some biblical rabbi teaching his students a certain lesson when a woman approached him with a question of a chicken she had just purchased with the last of her funds. She explained to the rabbi that she wanted to make sure the chicken was ritually slaughtered so that she could serve it for her Shabbat meal. After looking at the chicken the rabbi pronounced it fit to be eaten and the woman went away happy. After she left, the rabbi's students were all over him because the chicken was not slaughtered in a kosher fashion. The rabbi was quick to point out that maybe that was so, but then the woman and her family would have nothing to eat and how was that proper under Jewish tradition. Sometimes the circumstances make the decision "legal" in a larger sense.
I also do not believe being "spiritual" and being "religious" are mutually exclusive of each other. Not obeying all of the commandments does not exclude one from being a Jew and thinking of oneself as Jewish because of some inner feeling although it may not conform with halacha should not exclude one from being considered one of the "flock".